90-Day Success & Commitment Agreement

My Primary Goal: To let go of everything holding me back, specifically the pressure I put onto myself and all of my need for control which shows up across all areas of my life.

Why This Goal Matters: Because it's holding me back from being my best self, including the best athlete I can be.

What Will Change In My Life If I Achieve This Goal?: I will no longer feel a need to control things and I think I will feel completely free from myself. This means no more insane pressure, OCD, and extreme stress.

Performance Identity Assessment

Describe three moments when you felt at your absolute best as an athlete.: 1) Collegiate Nationals Speed - My first official one: When I climbed my first 9 in comp with no expectation to do so, just pure excitement.

2) My 8.3 PB last year: After a year of hardship and so so so much struggle, I finally PB'd, and by 0.5 seconds throughout the day. I remember crying tears of joy. I was just so beyond happy. It felt like all the struggle and pain was ending.

3) This years National Team Trials: Running 8.4 in the comp and then saying to myself "It doesn't matter what I do now, I'm just so proud of myself for what I have done", and then proceeding to PB and run 8.21 in comp on my next run. I let go of all expectations and climbed my heart out.

What were you focused on during those moments?: Not pushing for an outcome and instead just focusing on the wall in-front of me.

What emotions were present?: Joy, pride, happiness, excitement.

What emotions were absent?: Frustration, anger, hatred, pain, fear.

What was your internal dialogue like?: Just knowing that I will try my best and that's it. Nothing beyond that. No expectations to do it.

How did your body feel?: Great for the first two, not the best for the second. First two were light and amazing. Third was on my period and just felt a bit wonky.

How did you behave differently?: I let go of expectations and MEANT it.

What allowed you to perform so freely?: Thinking that what I had already done was ENOUGH.

What situations create the most pressure for you?: Situations where I am unsure what will happen under pressure and how I will perform. Feeling like I "need" to do something and have a certain outcome.

What thoughts tend to appear before competition?: Excitement, doubt, confidence, lack of confidence, fear.

What thoughts tend to appear during competition?: More excitement, doubt, more confidence, lack of confidence, fear.

What are you most afraid might happen during competition?: I will not perform the way I want to.

What would that outcome mean about you?: I have failed, and it takes a hit to my belief system that "I can do it".

What do you feel you must control in order to feel safe?: Not failing, not getting sick, not slipping.

What triggers comparison, self-doubt, or frustration?: Uncertainty, failure.

If you were performing at your highest level consistently, what would be different?: I would have full trust and confidence in myself, and truly believe I could do anything.

How would you think?: I wouldn't concern myself with all the things I can't control, just the things I can. The issue is, I think I can control things I can't right now.

How would you behave?: I'd be more happy and present at the comp.

What would you stop doing?: Doubting myself, being afraid of an outcome, and stop thinking about ways I can control things I can't and obsessing over them.

What would you trust more?: Myself, my training, and my future.

What qualities define the athlete you are becoming?: Self-fulfilled, truly believing in myself, confident, excited, unafraid, fierce, ready for whatever comes my way, caring less about the outcome.

What words best describe your ideal performance state?: Free, light, thoughtless, present.

What would make these next 90 days a complete success for you?: If I could become this version of Kaitlyn!!

Describe the athlete, competitor, and person you hope to become.: I hope to become an athlete driven by true self-belief, not fear or pressure for an outcome. I want to feel free, excited, light, present, and ready at training sessions, comps, and everyday life. I want to know that I will not be negatively affected whatever the outcome may be, and I want to trust that everything I am doing will lead to the outcome I want at some point.

Competitive Pressure Mapping Questionnaire

SITUATION 1: Describe a recent competition or training session where you felt significant pressure.: Both my most recent comps I have been pushing for a time because I need that time to go to world cups. I was already signed up and so it felt like I needed to do it or else I'd be "loosing" my dream. I felt so much pressure to perform, and didn't perform at both comps.

What happened?: I slipped a TON, messed up a bunch, and didn't run any fast times (for me) + lost in the first round of finals in both comps. I was so scared of that exact outcome and frustrated by it after the fact. I let the people I was racing get to me.

What were you thinking?: About how to not slip. At both comps.

What were you feeling?: Scared, sad, upset, afraid, fear, and some excitement.

How did your body respond?: With being fast but slipping and messing up on every run.

What did you do next?: Get beyond upset and frustrated and angry. Cried for hours after both comps and felt like the opportunities I had were being stripped from me one by one.

SITUATION 2: Describe a moment where comparison affected your performance.: At both comps I was in a finals race with someone I was equally as fast as, and I got so stressed about needing to beat them or needing to prove to myself that I could do it, that I ended up messing up. I tried so so hard to get them out of my head and believe I could do it, but I just didn't.

What triggered it?: Feeling like I didn't have clean qualifier runs and being nervous about slipping in finals. Lack of confidence and belief in myself.

What story did your mind create?: I don't believe in myself. I never win. I always loose to these people. I can't do it. And all of that's was covered by me saying "I believe in myself" but not believing it one bit.

What impact did it have on your performance?: I slipped and lost BOTH races.

SITUATION 3: Describe a moment where fear of failure appeared.: Both of those comps. I wanted to badly to run the time and if I didn't it felt like a failure because if I didn't run the time, I wouldn't be able to go to the world cups, which is my dream. Therefore, I felt afraid to fail and afraid to loose and not perform my best.

What outcome were you afraid of?: Slipping, not running the qualifying time, not winning my race in finals.

What would that outcome have meant to you?: That I failed and I lost yet another opportunity that I have in the palm of my hands.

SITUATION 4: Describe a situation where you felt completely free and present.: At Team Trials this year, after running a time I deemed "good enough" and that I was proud of, I let go of all expectations I put onto myself and just had fun and tried hard, and I PB'd.

What was different?: I let go of all expectations and pressure.

What were you focused on?: Just enjoying the moment.

How did your body feel?: Light and free and happy.

What thoughts were present?: Nothing, just excitement and joy.

Complete the following statement: When I feel pressure, I tend to...: Try and control everything I can, create loads of doubt in my mind, and struggle to stay present.

Complete the following statement: When I doubt myself, I tend to...: Get in my head, overthink, compare, be afraid, and slip on the wall.

Complete the following statement: When uncertainty appears, I tend to...: Try and control things that I can't, overthink, be afraid but try to cover it up with a false sense of belief I can do it.

Complete the following statement: When I trust myself, I tend to...: Feel free and perform at my best.

Complete the following statement: When I perform at my best, I...: Have no insistence on an outcome, and I am just fully present and excited in the moment.

"The Future Me Letter"

Dear Kaitlyn,

This is future you. You have become someone who is not easily rattled and not easily affected. You have full trust in yourself, and truly, deep down, believe you can do anything. You don't have to try and believe it, you just know, and that creates a sense of accomplishment and certainty in yourself. You don't feel the need to look for that certainty anywhere else anymore, and you don't feel the need for control, because you have found true control within yourself. When you compete, you show up with confidence and excitement, and nothing else. You don't let the doubts affect you other than recognizing them as a passing thought instead of a possible outcome you must control. You trust your training and know that it will get you to where you want to be. You know that you will reach your goals, that you will win races, and that you will do it all, and you realize there's no time pressure, nothing you have to do, and no one you have to do it for, because you just know that you WILL do it. Pressure is no longer an obstacle, but a familiar friend that you like to flirt with because it excites you, not scares you. You show up everyday with unwavering belief, confidence, and excitement. You know how it feels to truly believe.

I can't wait for you to see this new version of yourself.

Love,
Kaitlyn